Dreams

I was at a writing workshop and the organizer gave us a couple of quotes to write about: “The gap between where you are now and where you want to be is good,” and “Dreams come a size too big so that we can grow into them.” I apologize that I do not know their origins or if I even wrote them down correctly, but they certainly did not come from me. Here is what I wrote…

I have so many dreams. When I was young it was to become a model. Then a singer. Now it is to become successful. But what does success mean to me? I find myself stuck wanting material things, like that cool sedan, or a house with a balcony inside looking over the family room, but I know I have more substance than that.

I know that I have values, like being true to myself, enjoying family and friends, having a riveting conversation with someone – the kind that makes me shake with excitement knowing that I am on the same page as another. But I find that when I lose sight of these values, I go right back to wanting ‘things’.

Sometimes I feel like a kid that has a shiny red ball. I leave it in the corner where it is unappreciated and neglected. But when someone else starts playing with my ball, having fun with it and finding new creative things to do with it, I find that I want the ball back! I want to play with now! I want to copy what I saw that other person doing. Why didn’t I think of doing the cool stuff to it like that other person did? Why didn’t I appreciate it when I had it?

So when I get into this “What do I want to do with my life?”…what dream is a size too big?…where do I want to go?…I find that I want to do too much. I want to be a scientist. An archeologist! A singer! An architect! A web designer! A writer! I want that cool house!

But what do I really want?

I guess I just want to be heard
validated
cared for/about

I want to have something worthwhile to say. I want to move people…help people... I want my life to mean something.

So, I still feel like I do not know what ‘dream’ I am trying to grow into, although I may know but it just hasn’t yet worked itself into my conscience mind. I probably must embrace my current situation – accepting this gap of where I am now and where I want to be. I need to live it, breathe it, and let it go. When I do, I need to learn from it. And like the old adage goes…Success is not about the prize, it is about the journey.